Shut Up B*#ch

Mom, I don’t understand. Why did you smack me? Those are the words he calls you. Why can’t I call you that?

Mom. I don’t understand. I just said the words he said. You know that guy who you told us to call dad. You know the one who yelled from his car as he drove by with another girl in the car.

Mom, I don’t understand. Why am I now in time out for telling that woman to shut up? I just used the words you used when that other girl from the car started talking.

Mom, why am I locked in my room? Do I embarrass you when I tell people shut up? I’m just using the language I hear others use when they are talking to you and the language you repeat back.

Mom, knock it off, you’re embarrassing me. Don’t you know I am just practicing for when I grow up and get me a baby mama like you. You know the one; the one where I can tell her what to do, call her names and then when I show back up, she’ll let me in. I’ll do all those things to her you let me watch on TV. I’ll treat her the way your music teaches me to treat the babies mama. I’ll treat her just like all those guys treat you.

Mom, and dad, your kids are watching. They hear what you hear. They see what you see. They do what you do.

If you don’t think kids are watching you then why did Rodney Atkins write a country song about it? This song spent 4 weeks at the top of the county music chart and was song of the year in 2007. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodney_Atkins)

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn’t have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
A Green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my breaks and mumbled under my breath
As fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with “s” and I was concerned
So I said son now where’d you learn to talk like that

Chorus one

He said I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we’re just alike, hey ain’t we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I’ve been watching you

(http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/rodney_atkins/watching_you.html)

Parenting is much more than having sex, and having an egg and sperm unite. It is a long term relationship with a child who is expecting you (the parent) to teach and train them to love, to serve, to become a productive member of society.

But just like everything in life, there are choices and consequences. Are you making the right choices? And if the answer is NO, then maybe you need to ask yourself this question:

Do I really want to be a parent?

If the answer is NO, then maybe you should call someone and make arrangements for someone else to raise your children. Because if you don’t, the streets will, and I can guarantee you won’t like those results.

If the answer is YES, I want to parent. Then decide today to get the help to make the much needed changes.

But for a lasting change the first call needs to be to Jesus. He needs to be the King, the Lord and the Savior of your life.

Sex before Marriage

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I have been thinking about this for a while and I felt the need to blog about it. Sex before Marriage and the stigma that comes with that especially in the realm of Church and Christianity.

I have been to many churches; even been kicked out of a couple… And the theme is: sex before marriage will create an issue in your marriage.

Not growing up in the church, not knowing how to study the Bible for myself; I relied on the church, pastors, and other people. This just added to the guilt and shame of being pregnant before marriage.

I accepted The Lord as my Savior in the late 90’s, but unfortunately even though I was very active in the church I still did not understand the implications of NOT reading and studying the Bible for myself.

From the pulpit we are hearing sermons about freedoms from addictions: sex, drug, alcohol, pornography, but what about the freedom to have a great marriage even though you had sex before marriage……can God forgive that?

I have been on a journey this holiday season to make this WHOLE HOLIDAY Season the best one yet. I have been doing soul searching and have realized that one of the items on my to do list was made very clear and that was to rekindle a love for my husband and our marriage.

Our marriage started on very rocky ground in 1985.

Me not being the Christian.

Rob professing to be the Christian, but not living like it.

Me being pregnant was somehow my fault.

Rob made $3.35/ hour and didn’t always get 40 hours.

To add to my shame and guilt we were on food stamps (when they were paper and you had to count them out), received government subsidized food that we picked up at a Church (peanut butter, cheese, pork and vegetables). Then to top it off the Church paid our bills more than once.

A Pastor even said to his wife “they will never make it” as we drove out their driveway to move back home for awhile.

Our marriage has never been normal or all it “could” by some peoples standards but part of that has to do with shame and guilt continued by marriage seminars and Sunday sermons about how taboo sex before marriage was and that you will not have a good marriage because of that fact. While I do believe sex before marriage is a sin, it is NOT the unforgivable sin and does NOT have to haunt you the rest of your life.

These last few years I have been studying the Bible for myself even writing studies that I wish I would have had when I was trying to figure out life as a new Christian.

Last Christmas was our first Christmas as empty nesters. This now meant it was just Rob and I and this had never been the case. After Christmas I realized that it was time to work even more on me and our marriage.

So this past year has been a year of intentionality of marriage.

Has it been easy? No.

Has it always been fun? NO.

But here are my takeaways
1) Just because things were done in your past does not mean they have to define the rest of your life.
2) I realized that I had become the “codependent” mother I teach about. I had spent the last 29 years taking care of everyone that I needed to, and still am on a journey to find me and not let my excuses become my realities.
3) And the biggie that I have learned just this last week: words hurt but I have 2 choices:                                                                                                                                                                                                                          a) learn from them

b) let them keep you in bondage
I have allowed the later to happen. Words or statements like ” your marriage will never be all that it can be because….you had sex before marriage”.

So if you are one of the many who did NOT wait to have sex before marriage and have had this shame and guilt over you; my prayer is that you will find that God’s forgiveness for sins included you having sex before marriage and that your marriage is what you make it.

And when you ask God to forgive you for your sins and make Him The Lord of your life…. God wipes your sins clean He does forgive you for all…. including sex before marriage but here is the clincher….You need to forgive YOU.

This was what was missing…. I had allowed the words spoken by man to hold more weight than Gods word.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

If you need more information about forgiving yourself please email me at meredithsagekendall@gmail.com