With the smoke alarm blaring the girls would all chime in; “Moms cooking again.”
This was the running joke in our home for years.
With my children now in their thirties and multiple grandchildren around, unfortunately they too know that when the smoke alarm goes off at Nana’s house it’s not a big deal, it just means she’s cooking.
Recently I was teaching the 180 Program and had an epiphany as to why I always have cooked on high.
In my teen years, life to me seemed to always be in turmoil. It felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells. You see in any given twenty-four-hour period; I never knew what would happen when it came to my stepdad’s mood and therefore the atmosphere of the home.
For example, if I was given permission to do something on a Friday night, I would do everything in my power to stay out of the presence of my stepdad all week. If our paths did cross, I would quickly excuse myself from the situation and if that wasn’t possible, I would say the least number of words so it couldn’t be used against me or trigger a tornado to spawn.
When the day of the event would come, I would be as quiet as a church mouse and primarily spend the day in my room.
Watching from my bedroom window, I would wait, not so patiently I might add, for the person to arrive in my driveway.
As soon as I spotted the vehicle, I would as quickly and quietly as possible dart down the hallway. If my stepdad happened to be up and depending upon where he was positioned, I would purposefully take the opposite route to get down the flight of stairs and out the door.
To be truthful how I never went tumbling down the flight of stairs to the landing is truly a testament of God’s mercy. You see this flight of stairs were merely 2×8 piece of lumber and open on both ends. There was no banister let alone a handle. One misstep to the left and I would have landed on the concrete basement floor after another flight of stairs broke my fall. On the other side, one wrong step to the right and I would have landed directly on the basement floor from about 7 feet up.
I was almost free; I hadn’t heard my name yet. A turn of the door handle and I was gone.
“Not so fast. Where do you think you are going?”
So, what does this have to do with cooking on high and my latest epiphany.
I learned very quickly that for me to be allowed to do anything and finish it, I had to do it quickly so as not to be stopped.
Cooking on high was just a manifestation of my learned behavior that you do it as fast as you can, so you get to do it. The challenge for me is that it’s not just about cooking. That’s just the one that gets the most attention because it has an alarm attached to it.
When my husband has an idea to do something, he takes what I see as too much time preparing, when in fact he could just do it. I feel he is losing out and maybe even missing out. Me not so much. I jump in and let the chips fall where they may. For most of my adult life I have used a Type A personality, Go-Getter, 1st born as my excuse, when in fact, it’s a learned behavior that needs to be changed. What I learned from my childhood was the least number of steps and preparation at least allowed me a chance to accomplish what I was scheduled to do.
Unfortunately, this type of thinking made me find systems to be a four-letter bad word. They bog me down and almost paralyze me in thinking I won’t be able to get to the next item, especially if I must follow a procedure. To me the more steps were more chances that someone could tell me; “You don’t get to do that”.
Understand that this stepfather is in my past, he hasn’t been a part of my life for more than three decades. Even though I know that fact, for some reason, I have never seen it as a fear that I won’t be able to do something because he said so. It is only because of my recent epiphany that I am now totally realizing my need to work through this stronghold in my life that I never knew I had because for years it was categorized as: Type A, First Born. Go-Getter. Driven. I didn’t realize cooking on high and setting off the smoke detector multiple times a week was a bigger problem than just wanting to get dinner on the table faster.
So, what’s next.
As I finish out 2023 and enter 2024 this newfound flaw in my life, business and personal, will be something I work on diligently to get new patterns established. I will also take what I am learning and apply it to goal setting, which is another blog for another day.
If any of this struck a chord or you feel you need help getting off the ferris wheel called “it’s just the way it is”, lets talk.