Month: May 2017

The Very First Single Mom

Over the years Rob and I have had many women walk in and out of our lives.

Lately, though I have been thinking about the very first single mom who walked into our lives.

I can see us pulling up to the gas station on Briley Parkway waiting for her to walk up from the hill with her belongings in tow.

I can still see her sitting at the glass topped, wrought iron white kitchen table in our 2 bedroom apartment at the corner of Nolensville Rd and Ocala Drive, she was showing me her senior picture and rubbing her baby bump as we spoke.  We did not have much and had only been married a short time, but we did have an extra bed.

She shared a room with our little girl who was only a year herself.  We did what we could to help her as she had chosen life.  I took her to appointments and we waited patiently for that day to come where we would rush her to the hospital so she could deliver her baby.

That day finally came in the middle of the night.  Off to the hospital she and I went.  We were left to ourselves for the most part.  There was no birthing room for this mom. No friendly chatter from friends or family… just the beeps from the machines in a dark, windowless, tiny room that only fit a bed, a hard chair, like you would find at a conference and the needed machines. I found myself trying to get comfortable, as I was told this could take a while. Even though I was a mother, I would not know how long it was about to take, because my daughter decided she needed to (as the doctor said) come out the window.  I showed up at 6am and was prepped for surgery by 10am and by 10:21, my first born had made her appearance.

The time had come, the nurse walked in and said “Lets go have this baby”.  They put up the side rails, unlocked the wheels and off we went.  We were in the hallway about to enter an area of the hospital called the “Delivery Room”, when from behind us we heard a voice calling her name.

The nurse stops, and the bed comes to a stop in the middle of the hallway.  This person is starting to say things like, I am sorry I was not here for you, but now I am.

The nurse looks at her and then says, “you can only have one person, who will it be?”

I choose her.

They wheeled her through the double doors, along with her longtime friend by her side.  The doors closed and that was the last time we ever laid eyes on her again.

I don’t have a clue if the baby was a boy or a girl.  I don’t have a clue where she went when she left the hospital.

Over the years I think of her often, I even still have her senior picture on my desk.  The baby would be reaching the 30 year old mark.  I wonder if he or she went to school.  If he or she got married or even has kids themselves.

I believe that God allows me to go through things, to feel things, to even witness things in order to make me a better servant for Him.  But I have to say, for the first time in 30 years, as I was thinking back on our time with her, that I felt a strong sense of longing, like I think I would if I had given my child up for adoption.

I cannot explain this longing nor can I explain the why?  Except that God has recently brought to mind the need for more families and churches to get involved in the lives of women who choose life, to walk with them in relationship not just through the pregnancy, but also for as long as God asks you to so that she and the baby know that: You are my masterpiece created anew in Christ Jesus so you can do the good things God planned for you long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

You saved my life for this?

After a recent conversation with a mom, we wanted to share her thoughts with the world.  

As much as I want to say thank you for stopping my mother that day, I have to ask you why?

Because you stopped her, she brought me into a life of dysfunction. She was only a child herself. 

I remember her telling me how she was headed into the clinic that Saturday morning. There were men and women lining the sidewalk, telling her this was not the answer.  But then you, you smiled and said “if you don’t go through with this, I will help you.”  I don’t know if it was your smile or the fact that she really wanted to change and have a life…whatever the reason, she did not go through with the abortion that day. You saved my life. I wish I could say thank you, but I want to know why?

Where were you when I received my first bruises?  They were not seen, but they were there and I still feel them today.  You see, every time we had to pack up and move, I never knew where she would be or who was picking me up from daycare.

Through her tears she would talk about you and how often you were there before I was born.  You would answer her phone calls and even take her out for coffee.  But I don’t remember you.  You were gone shortly after I was brought home from the hospital. As my mom tells me, you stopped answering her calls when you found out she was going home with “him.” I wish you would have asked her “Why?” You see, it was the only place she could go, she was not going to live on the street with a newborn. As crazy as this sounds, HE was the best option she had.  And now I live with the guilt that it was my fault. My mom reminded me of that often.

The bruises became bigger as I got older. I know mom wanted to change. She said she wanted to do something better with her life, but she didn’t know how.  I do remember that one time she was excited because a local church was starting a new program.  That excitement quickly faded when mom found out it was during the day, no child care was offered and none of her family would watch me so she could better her life. So back to “his” house we went; and yes I know mom, it was my fault.  Why, dear lady, did no one ever intervene when the black and blue marks showed up all over my body?

Why did you save my life that day?  Why did you intervene just to let me live in dysfunction? Was I not worthy enough to have a chance at a life?

Now I sit here repeating the only life I have ever known and I refuse to allow my little girl to go through what I did. The moving from place to place, the constant abuse, having her touched by men after I go to sleep because we need a place to stay for the night.

I refuse. She will not live with the fear of never knowing where we will live tomorrow or if I will be coming home. And I will not change my mind based upon a promise of someone who doesn’t even know my story. I’ve been down that road and look where it got me.

Nope, this will not be my daughter. She will not go through everything I did.  I will not bring her into this world, based on a promise of help.  I’ve seen your kind help and I know you can’t be trusted to do anything more than stop the abortion.

Congratulations you saved my life for this.

 

Not just another Sunday Sermon

Today’s sermon was not just another Sunday sermon, but rather an address by Bishop Kendall of the Free Methodist Church and secondly by Brad, the Superintendent of the Eastern Michigan Conference of the Free Methodist to celebrate the 125th birthday of Owosso Free Methodist.

Bishop Kendall told of the history of the Free Methodist Church and how we were FREE to worship in the Spirit but also to make to world free by knowing the One who can make you really FREE.
He also talked about as a people group we need to

  • Understand the story
  • Play our part in the story
  • Contribute to the story so that the story continues.

Superintendent Brad then got up and had us turn to Joshua 1 where you find this passage.

After the death of Moses the LORD’s servant, the LORD spoke to Joshua son of Nun, who had served Moses: “Moses My servant is dead. Now you and all the people prepare to cross over the Jordan to the land I am giving the Israelites. I have given you every place where the sole of your foot treads, just as I promised Moses. Your territory will be from the wilderness and Lebanon to the great Euphrates River–all the land of the Hittites–and west to the Mediterranean Sea. No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. I will be with you, just as I was with Moses. I will not leave you or forsake you.

As we were reading this I realized that this is the promise of the Lord for their obedience. But then it goes on to give us another command.

 “Be strong and courageous, for you will distribute the land I swore to their fathers to give them as an inheritance.  This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.  Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

 
This part of Joshua got me thinking about how many times we, ok maybe this is just for me, I  complain when things aren’t going the way I want or maybe I see others receiving blessings when I know (or at least I think I know) I deserve it more than they.  But God, just as God does had me sit here for a moment, so I could check my heart.

Then he had us follow the story into Joshua 3:

Joshua started early the next morning and left the Acacia Grove with all the Israelites. They went as far as the Jordan and stayed there before crossing.  After three days the officers went through the camp and commanded the people: “When you see the Ark of the Covenant of the LORD your God carried by the Levitical priests, you must break camp and follow it.  But keep a distance of about 1,000 yards between yourselves and the ark. Don’t go near it, so that you can see the way to go, for you haven’t traveled this way before.”

Brad went on to talk about the fact that in the Old Testament you had the Ark of the Covenant to show you the way because: “for you haven’t traveled this way before.”   God pricked my heart that today because we don’t have the physical Ark which represented the presence of God, we do have a guide and that is the Holy Spirit.

Superintendent Brad, went on in the Joshua to read:

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, because the LORD will do wonders among you tomorrow.” Then he said to the priests, “Take the Ark of the Covenant and go on ahead of the people.” So they carried the Ark of the Covenant and went ahead of them. The LORD spoke to Joshua: “Today I will begin to exalt you in the sight of all Israel, so they will know that I will be with you just as I was with Moses. Command the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant: When you reach the edge of the waters, stand in the Jordan.”

“Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, because the LORD will do wonders among you tomorrow.”

Consecrate yourselves… do we, again do I consecrate myself so that the LORD will do wonders among me tomorrow? Or do I just want God to do His part without the obedience of my part? Because if we go back to Joshua 1 it clearly states that I must:  “This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.” 

And I know many will say we live in the New Testament time… and you are correct but God has clearly been reminding me that in Matthew 5, Jesus said “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.  Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.”

Joshua then goes on to say: “…Command the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant: When you reach the edge of the waters, stand in the Jordan.”

Did you know that LEADERS are to get their feet wet? Now this was not surprise to me, because I know that when leaders lead by example, those who follow will have an easier time doing the same.  Actually my husband Rob (www.RW Kendall.com) wrote a great blog called “Where you lead from the pulpit, people will follow from the pew).

But what I did not realize is that:

“Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest.” Joshua 3:15

I am not sure what you know about water flowing during a “flood stage”, but as someone whose home flooded once and backyard flooded a few times, watching water rushing and knowing if you step foot out of the safe distance zone into the water, the force will sweep you under. And God told the leaders to put their feet in the edge of the water?

Then Superintendent Brad said, “God doesn’t always do things that make sense.”

So what does all this mean to me? Maybe even for you who maybe reading it.

What is God asking you to do for Him?

What excuses are you giving?