Month: November 2015

Lessons from the Chimneys

Chimneys

Chimneys

This past week I had the opportunity to hike to the top of the Chimneys, this almost 2 mile hike to an altitude of just over 4600 ft. was a hike I will not soon forget. I guess I didn’t know what to expect, except I was headed to the top of that!

So I layered up because it was chilly, grabbed my camera and a bottle of water.

 

 

The rivers were beautiful. P1050744

 

Icy riverThe snow and ice was amazing.

I was traveling along not really thinking about it, then we hit these steps. P1050776

As I was climbing these steps, all I could think was, it would be much easier to climb if these steps weren’t here.

 

 

So lesson one I learned: sometimes when trying to reach a goal, you may encounter someone who wants to help and has your best interest in mind, but their help may make it harder to achieve your goal.

Hiking along, I am getting tired and I really want to quit, but I really want to finish; and my amazing husband starts asking me if I want to turn around and go back. He even starts asking how’s my face (previous injury from 2011), are you ok? We can stop if we need to.

Lesson two: I realized how many times I quit too early because I am tired and then someone I respect, admire etc… again with my best interest in mind, adds to my self talk that I need to quit.

I stand my ground and start arguing with myself. NO!!!! I am going to finish! I am NOT going to quit.

P1050802We come to this sign that states we haven’t even gone a mile. My inner arguing starts again. “No one will ever know”, ” you did your best”; and I start talking to myself, “I will know, and I want to finish this hike and cross it off my bucket list.”

So we continue on. Slowly and even more slowly, after 2 hours we are at the top. 20151124_140730

This entire hike ended up being, not just a “bucket list” item, but a telling tale of how many times I have had a goal, and allowed my self talk to emerge to the point of “sabotaging my goals.”

Lesson three: I will start to take my goals very serious and accomplish them, maybe slowly and even more slowly….but this hike made me realize that I DO want to reach the top for myself so I can compare my “pictures” to theirs, instead of saying “oh how beautiful, I wish I could have seen it for myself.”

With 2016 just around the corner what are your goals?  And when the sabotaging self talk starts, what defense do you have in place to counteract the negativeness?

A letter to my younger self

Today as I was texting a friend I found myself with this overwhelming need to journal.  As I started to journal, my thoughts went to “I wish I could have a do-over with my kids”.  So I started writing a letter to myself of what I wish I knew then, and how it would affect my children.

Dear Meredith

I know that you are poor and don’t have much.  I know that every month you stand in line for a food box at that church… but don’t let that define you.  I know that you are stressed about the finances and where the money will come to make the bills… but Meredith you have been given a gift, she is your firstborn and she will grow up to be just like you.  So if you don’t like some of your attributes you need to change them today.

I want to tell you,  you will make mistakes but the one mistake that will define everything is this; Be present and remember that you only live today, once.  Your firstborn is tiny today but one day she will grow up to be a mom.  Today Meredith your tone, your actions, your lack of actions will define how she sees the world.  How you carry yourself.  What you react to.  What you make time for.  How you let people treat you and how you treat people.  All these play into raising your little girl.

Don’t make her your excuse for your anger because you are tired.  Don’t make her your excuse because you are running late.  Own up to who you are and who you aren’t.  Don’t make your child fit your mold.  Slow down and be the best thing in your child’s life.  Meredith your child and soon to be children will remember the walks in the park, the picnics in the grass… they will also remember when you did not show up because you were too busy working or taking care of someone else’s life.  Meredith take every day from now until they ask you to stop… and be present in their life.  Today to be present looks different than what it’ll look like in 20, 30 or so years… but if you are not there today they will not want you present tomorrow.

Also many will call your oldest “Social baby”…. She will get this name because she can be crying, but then as soon as she is in public she is the happiest baby in the world.  Meredith, you will think it’s cute.  But as I am writing you this letter I need for you to realize that it is a coping skill she is learning from you.  And it’s not a healthy coping skill.

Take from this letter what you will, but remember you only get one chance at today.  You will mess some of them up, but repent, ask for forgiveness and make tomorrow a better day.

 

Is it January 1st yet?

As I walked into the 5-points post office, I could not believe my eyes.  There she was. I had been praying I would run into her.  I wanted to tell her how sorry I was.

I cut to the beginning of the line so I could hug her neck when she turned around.

Catching her off guard, I said how sorry I was, gave her a hug and asked how she was doing,  I knew this was the starting of the “Holidays of Firsts”.

As we talked, she cried and we hugged some more (grateful our small town is a town that  doesn’t get upset when you stand in the line hugging and crying; the people just walk around you).

She told of the plans they had.  That it wasn’t supposed to be like this.  And how she is mad at God, but He give her glimpses of hope that keeps her going.  Then she said probably the most profound words: “I just wish it could be January 1st”.

I felt at that moment God tapping me on the shoulder and saying “she has a reason to say that, but you…. You who say those words every year….you my daughter, you have no reason.”

Those are my “go to” words starting in about 11 days.

I started 3 years ago on a new journey and I think I am doing better every year to get farther along in the holiday season before I start saying those words, but I am definitely not perfect yet.

I also have felt God saying over this past week:

“Are you ready to enjoy?”

“Are you ready to slow down?”

“Are you ready to bask?”

“Are you ready to make time?” 

“Are you ready to not get so caught up in what the world makes the holiday about; you know the commercialism and superficial relationships?”

“I want you to seek relationships with family and or friends that are belly button to belly button time, real and authentic.”

So as I have pondered writing this blog this week I end with if you hear me say “can it hurry up and be January”, I give you permission to remind me to “be present”.

IMG_1157

 

Missionaries can be Stateside too

When someone is a missionary, they are like special forces behind enemy lines….this goes for stateside missionaries too.

This past week I was one of 5 speakers for a luncheon. As I was preparing for the talk, Rob asked me what the topic was supposed to be; I said I was not sure if there was a theme. Then he asked how long do you have; again I said, I am not sure.

All I knew was that lunch was on Friday and I was the “stateside missionary” speaking.

As we were traveling to the conference we started the process of writing down different things, so that no matter what the topic was to be, I would be prepared.

We arrived at the conference, and found out that lunch was on Friday at noon, in the Marriott.

The conference started and our booth was bustling with people and I never got around to asking the 2 very important questions.
1) how much time?
2) what was the topic?

I arrived at the luncheon and decided now was probably a good time to at least ask how long and when do I speak.

Luckily, I was last and I had only 7 minutes. I can wing this, I said to myself. The MC gets up and says “now you will hear from our missionaries”. What no lead in, no question, no nothing….just tell us what’s on your heart.

It was finally my time to speak and as I stood up, I felt the lump in my throat rising. All I could think was, how am I going to speak for 7 minutes when I don’t think I am going to be able to say the first words with out the tears starting.

I was wrong, the tears waited for me to start talking and feel somewhat comfortable, then they started.

So’s why was this hard?

It was hard because the last week in ministry leading up to this event was extremely difficult.

We had a mom who was desperately trying to make ends meet, almost losing her housing. The price tag for that was over $1700. After all the pleas that went out and the mom putting in over 10% of her own money, we only raised $800 of it. So as a ministry we covered it in hopes that the money would come in to replace it. It hasn’t, but she has a roof over her head and a budget to stick to and they are NOT homeless.

We had a mom overdose and was being buried while we were away.

Then, the computer we use crashed right before the big presentation.

Usually, I would be able to get some time alone with the Lord, pray, journal, sleep and be refreshed the next day. This was not the case. Everyday seemed to bring even more darkness.

Then it hit me the notes from the car ride about being a stateside missionary. They were raw emotion being verbalized. For so long you just do and don’t think, but when you see things on paper they become real and even started hurting, especially because I was so tired and felt so alone.

Here are some of our notes and what I am realizing is that they are true for many stateside missionaries.

So if you or your church supports a stateside missionary please ask God how you might encourage them this year and for as long as they are on the front lines.

When you are a stateside missionary you do not get invited to speak at churches through out the U.S. when you come home on furlough, to be asked how’s it going, and how can we support you even more.

Most don’t acknowledge the work of a stateside missionary so therefore very few outside your own hometown support the work.

Stateside missionaries don’t get care packages.

One of the biggest challenges stateside missionaries have is that of resources. Sometimes we think it would be easier to do the work in a third-world county without the resources available, instead of knowing they are available but not being allowed to use them.

Stateside missionaries never get to go back home to take a break.

When wanting to help a stateside missionary, make sure that your idea is a help and not creating more work for the stateside missionary.

Most stateside missionaries feel isolated and alone, even living in a 1st world country.

This list is by no means an exhaustive list…these are just things that came quickly as we were brainstorming “what do you want the church to know about stateside missionaries“.