I stumbled across a headline recently that said something to the effect that to become the best version of ourselves (women) we need to find the right man to love us. 

That headline has bothered me ever since it crossed my Facebook feed. 

Why?

My husband and I have had our troubles over the past 35 years, but it hasn’t been his loving me that made me the best version of myself. 

For the past 20 years I have taught women that Y.O.U is the acronym for Your Own Uniqueness. You have been created with a fingerprint from God that only YOU have. 

You were created with a purpose (Ephesians 2:10). 

You were knit together ON PURPOSE (Psalms 139). 

God created you with gifting’s (1 Corinthians 12).

If you think a man has the power to make you the best version of yourself, you are sadly mistaken. 

Yes God created us to be in relationship, In Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 

But in Genesis 1:27 it says: So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. 

The Hebrew word in Genesis 2:18 for Helper is Ayzer, an aid. To give assistance to, but it’s more than that. It’s something you can’t live without. It’s the same word David uses in the Psalms 121 when he says, “Where will my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” 

So yes…we are to be a team, but when you find your “best version” in a man because of the way he loves you, then when he has a bad day and doesn’t love you the way you think he should what will happen then? 

I’ll tell you based upon previous experience and years of working with women,  You will go back to your old ways. You will go back to what you know. 

Drugs

Alcohol

Toxic Relationships

Food

Workaholic

Just to name a few. 

So back to YOU.  You take YOU wherever YOU go. You take your actions, your reactions. You take years of baggage. You take years of hurt, shame and guilt. You take years of resentment. So when your prince charming doesn’t love you today like you thought he would, your world will come crashing down.  And according to research the fall and fallout will be worse than the last time. 

Why not take time today to figure out how to love yourself first. Even as I typed those words the skinny planked white oak wood floors, yellow white washed walls and white trim came to mind.  That was the room I was in when my sister looked at me and said “do you even love yourself?” 

“Of course I do!”  Was my response. But that sent me on a journey to find out do I really love myself or do I mask my non-love for myself with work, kids, relationships even if they are toxic? 

Today I can without a shadow of a doubt tell you that my husband makes me a better person everyday.  It is not because he loves me the right way per the world. He takes me to the cross of Jesus so that I can find my true worth in the only love that matters. My relationship with Jesus.  Without His love. Without His acceptance. Without knowing that I belong to Him. I would still be in my self-defeating cycles of life. Wandering aimlessly from relationship to relationship trying to find the best version of myself.