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For the past 2 years I have read the book called One Word, in November, I am behind this year, but this past year my word was Worthy. I worked really hard on staying focused on this word and making a change for myself.  I had a few break-through’s but I think my latest break-through came last month when I realized that there are many women (young and old) who may find themselves where I have been for many years, allow me to explain.

In 2000, I went to school and received my Real Estate license.  I had my first client that first week and within 30 days of “hanging my license”, I received my first commission check.  Even though I was my own boss, I worked for a company who wanted you to be successful. Every quarter or so, I would have a meeting with one of the Brokers.  Prior to the meeting he would tell me to write down my goals for the next quarter or so.  I still remember this one time, our meeting was going to be in the food court in the mall.  I was sitting there reading a book when I realized our meeting was about to begin and I saw him walking from across the opposite way.  I quickly scribbled down a couple goals, and as he sat down I told him what I wanted to accomplish.  The problem was…. I did NOT know how to actually accomplish my goals.  I knew I needed goals.  I knew my goals were achievable, but I just did NOT know how to actually make them happen, or was there something else?

In 4 years of doing real estate here are just a few of my accomplishments.  So that previous paragraph may not make sense, but keep reading.

One of my very first remembrances of having a “goal” was in middle school, and I wanted to try out for basketball.  I practiced and practiced and the day finally came.  Before the end of school that day, I received a note to call home.  I called home and was told that if I stayed after school to tryout, I would not like the outcome. I knew his threats were not empty so home I went.

A couple of  years later, I wanted to tryout to be a majorette.  I practiced, and practiced, had my routine ready and finally the day was here. Before the end of school that day, I receive a note to call home.  I called home and was told that if I stayed after school to tryout, I would not like the outcome. I knew his threats were not empty so home I went.

It wasn’t until this past year when I started focusing on the word “worthy”, that I realized, I had created a learned behavior of sabotaging my goals.  I thought it was just that I did not know how to reach them, but in reality I knew they would never come to fruition, so I would try, but not preserver, because my learned behavior was “he will call and tell me to come home.”  Guess what, though? He couldn’t call me home, I was now an adult and he was no longer married to my mother. So why did he still have that much power over my “self-worth” for myself?