homeless

Be Thankful for your Pillow

img_3869A pillow is an object to lay your head on while sleeping.  It may be used to prop ourselves up so we can read a book or watch TV while in bed.

I know I take having a pillow for granted, but I have also come to realize that my pillow has become a source of comfort.

With the ministry, we travel.  We just finished back to back conferences and are getting ready to travel again and I at least know that at the end of the day, as I lay down my head, I will have a comfort of my own home…my pillow.

How many times have you seen a toddler with a tiny little pillow along with their blankie?  They may take it to daycare or they may take it to Grandma’s house for the weekend, but it’s just a pillow right?

Wrong.

I have been teaching at our local women’s shelter and God shown me many things.

I have come to know many women who are not addicted to drugs or alcohol, but find themselves homeless. As I have heard their stories, I have realized that some were caught up in a cycle of dependency upon the government and for whatever reason they were never taught that the government system wasn’t the best answer.  I also met women who had low self-esteem and self-confidence for various reasons and therefore followed the crowd.  By following the crowd many of them ended up in relationships that were full of co-dependency and dysfunction.

As I have had the privilege of working with these women, I have also realized that when you are homeless, people come out to rescue you. While some of the services are necessary, the way they are provided do not empower or equip the homeless to become self-sufficient. Sadly, these actions can add to their low self-esteem that says: “I am not good enough.”

Then many come into the shelter at Christmas, thinking the homeless children need new toys. [ctt template=”12″ link=”506us” via=”no” ]Have you ever wondered what happens to the thousands of dollars’ worth of toys the homeless kids receive?[/ctt]

Did you know all their belongings need to fit in a locker not much bigger than the size of a high school locker? If this was me as a parent, I am pretty sure I would want the room in the locker reserved for clothing and essentials to life.

So why did I write this blog?  And why did I start with a story of a pillow?

I hoped to share some of the realities facing someone who is homeless and would really like a hand up and not a hand out.

But a hand up isn’t easy. It requires working within systems that are already in place, even if you may not agree with the rules or policies.  Case in point…a pillow.  The security of a pillow. A soft, plush 1ft x 2ft bed of foam or feathers, where you lay your weary head at night. This is not a luxury afforded you when you live in some shelters. Pillows are not provided due to sanitary policies.

So here is my question, will you join me in equipping and empowering men and women living in shelters, transitional centers, jails/prisons, etc.? Will you invest the time and energy needed to help them become everything God created them to be?  Will you help equip and empower them to see and fulfill their God given purpose? Will you help by giving them dignity and value?

For more information on how to provide services that can create sustainable change click here to order a copy of the book Breaking the Broken.

Or feel free to fill out this form to receive more information.

They didn’t choose to be Homeless

In November I started teaching the women at the local homeless shelter. I was excited to be a teacher of Job Readiness and Parenting. The Job Readiness class is about to wrap up and has been very successful.  The parenting class though has been a different story.

We started with week 1 and there were 4 women in class but 2 of them had their children with them.  When I inquired why these children were not with the rest of the children I was told “they are not allowed to participate in the activity with the other children”.

The 2nd week the children were once again in the class, I asked why the children were in the parenting class when a group had come to have a Christmas party with ALL the children.  The answer again was “they are not allowed to participate in the activity with the other children”. So I proceeded to sit down to teach and the 2 other women, whose children were allowed to participate said, “If there are going to be children in the class, then I won’t come”.  They stood up and left.

That night instead of teaching about parenting I told my families story of an unruly teenager. How we had her locked up before her senior year in high school and how she could have chosen to quit after high school. I talked about how she kept plugging away and did graduate just last year with a Bachelor’s Degree.  I told them about owning a pizzeria and what I learned there. We were all over the map with discussion and stories, but at the end of the night that group of pre-teens/teens asked if I would teach them about jobs, anger and getting along (basically these were the subjects we touched on during my talk).  I was so excited and got approval to come back the following week to teach the teens.

When I walked into the shelter that Tuesday evening I was ushered quickly upstairs to the kids room. They asked “now what is the lowest age group you want?”

What, excuse me? After comprehending that they thought I was here for all the children I said “I am here for just the two families and their children?”

To which I was told “I am sorry but they are not allowed to participate in any activity with the other children”.

As I sat there in this empty room I was overcome with all types of emotions… but the main emotion I felt was sadness.  I had let those kids down. I promised I would be back to teach them. I had the relationship with them, and now I was in a room with pre-teens and teens that had NO relationship with me so why would they listen to me.

I quickly decided that God had me here so I was going to make the best of it and figure out the rest later.

A few sat down at the tables, a couple in the chairs up against the wall, and one of the youngest came and sat on the built-in bookshelf right next to me.

We chit chatted for a bit and then we talked about rules and why there are rules.

We talked about anger and how we need to control it.  We also talked about things we could do when we got angry that did not include hitting someone or something.

We talked about fathers and relationships with their dads.  The youngest one sitting right next to me blurted out “I don’t have a dad, I have a sperm donor”.  My heart sank when I heard that, because I knew those were the words of his mother or mother’s family.

I realized that these kids were all angry in their own way.  Some have been labeled “trouble makers” and it’s easier to live up to that label than to let someone get close because they don’t know what tomorrow has in store.  They did NOT ask to be homeless. Nobody asked them if they wanted their life to have to fit into a locker.  Their mothers for whatever reason have chosen to live in this shelter. Their lives are always in a state of flux with no personal space to call their own.  If their mother gets angry at a rule she can yank the kids up out of their seats and storm out, not to be let in again til the next day.  If their mother happens to find “love” they could find their things at a complete strangers one night and back at the shelter the next because “love” didn’t work.  Some are in the shelter because their mother stated it was better to be homeless living in a shelter in Nashville than staying in Michigan or Ohio.

So what’s the answer? Relationships.

Healthy relationships with the moms and the kids.

And where will these relationships come from?  The church

If you are interested in becoming a part of the solution please contact us.  We will train you and your volunteers. We will give you the tools to allow you to be an in an equipping relationship and make sustainable changes in the lives of hurting families.

Abuse doesn’t always have a black eye

I agreed to meet her.  Not real sure where she had gotten my name.  Based on her application and her past employment, things were not adding up.

imageHow did she get here on my doorstep? Her address is an affluent neighborhood in Williamson County.  She has a degree and yet she now finds her belongings in the backseat of a vehicle and she prays  every night she gets back to Nashville to get a bed for the evening.image

As we meet and I listen to the last 3 decades of her life, I realize we have a silent killer epidemic going on, it’s called “act as if nothing bad is happening and everything is going great”.

 

It’s a masquerade we all like to play so that we don’t need to add anymore shame and guilt on our plate. The problem is though it is killing people and it seems that no one even cares.

You see there are women living in fear every day right here in our own town. But because of shame and guilt they continue living with the controlling, manipulative, abusive spouse.  You start to believe the words that are being spoken by the abuser “no one will ever believe you”; and especially when the person being abused has no black eye or broken bone, there seems to be little help, so they begin to believe the abuser that no one will believe them and help them escape.

So where do they turn: to suicide.  Failed attempts to rid themselves of the pain; they then find themselves institutionalized for an attempted suicide. Now the abuser comes to the “rescue” at the hospital and becomes the “savior”.  Now with more shame and guilt; no one to believe their story they end up back under the same roof as the manipulating, controlling abuser.

Until one day, enough is enough, and she says there has got to be more. She then finds herself living with her belongings in the backseat and praying for a bed every night.