On this day…

 

Taking off and going to Wal-Mart, Costco, Publix or any other store by myself.

Meeting a new friend for lunch, dinner, and finishing after the sun goes down.

Going to a stranger’s home for coffee.

Walking to my vehicle alone, even in the noonday sun.

If you had asked me to do any of these items (and many more) after January 2011 and prior to November 2017, I would have politely declined or found a way for my husband to take me and not leave my side.

Even though these things have once again become second nature to me, I have recently found myself being grateful to God that He healed me.

Today as I was scrolling on my Facebook Feed this came up.  Your most loved photo…

Here was the story behind that memory from 2 years ago today.

This picture was taken on the plane on the way home from Washington DC and here was my status:

I am so proud of myself. For those of you who know me, I suffer from PTSD and for the past few years have not strayed too far from Rob….but today I flew to DC by MYSELF to have meetings with 2 Congresswomen. I drove to the airport at 3:30 am and did the park and ride (thank you, Meredith Gabel Pratt, for the referral.)
Before the meetings, I walked around DC by MYSELF and took pictures. And did not get triggered… NOT even ONCE!
For those who suffer from PTSD know how big this is.

I still remember driving down 65 South that evening, calling my husband so excited that I had not been triggered. It wasn’t till a little later that I realized that God healed me that day.

 

As I was continuing to scroll, this was my memory from today 2012, almost two years after my attack and the beginning of my PTSD.

Yesterday I got an amazing phone call… it was from the Prison in Ohio. They want me to come back in the beginning of 2013 to speak to the guys again… Fast forward to today: I am still in Philippians 1 and this is what I read:

“And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear.”

Why do I think this scripture is so cool? Because almost 2 years ago is when I was attacked: I did not see how God could use that for His kingdom. But I was wrong, because of the attack I now have been able to speak to groups in other states about being a victim of gang targeted violence and God’s forgiveness. Without God’s forgiveness in my life, I would never have been able to set foot back in our local jail week after week teaching; knowing that at any given moment he could be sitting across from me.

God wants to use all of our circumstances for His kingdom work. So as you go through your day watch for God to open doors for you to share with either words, a hug or even a prayer with someone who needs to know there is hope and they are not alone.

So how does this apply to 2018? As I have attempted to skillfully navigate my new life in Florida, I find myself in awe of God’s grace and mercy. I cannot tell you how many times over the last year, I have said a prayer of Thanksgiving, that I have been freed. I find myself at least weekly thanking God not only for the freedom from PTSD but that He is allowing everything I have gone through for the past 53 years of life, to be used in some form or fashion in a place I now call home.

What are you holding on to? What has you “stuck” saying there is no way I can overcome that?

I thought mine was PTSD, but GOD!

He is waiting to heal you so He can use your story to heal others.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28 (NIV)

This is a Prison of my Own Doing

I bought the lie this meme states: there is no healing from emotional abuse.

I’ve actually allowed this lie to dictate most of my life. The problem with living this lie, is that it creates more lies and infiltrates even more of your life, including your health.

There CAN BE healing from emotional abuse, but just like overcoming an addiction, it’s a choice.

The challenge, though, is you will have to break free from the bondage this emotional abuse has created and you have endured.

Is it easy? No

Is it possible? Yes

But you have to do some very hard work.

Another challenge is realizing that many times we like living in our own prison of our own doing. What do I mean?

The abuse is no longer there, but we act like it’s an ongoing thing. We have to change our mindset. We have to be willing to walk out of the prison into the free world. We have to be willing to say, no more does this define me or define my tomorrow.

We also have to learn that just because someone says something with a certain tone or uses a certain phrase, and it triggers a response from a time when the abuse happened, it isn’t necessarily emotional abuse, nor intended to be abusive, it just is just something that happened.

Are these real responses and do they need to be dealt with? Yes, but as you are healing you have a choice! I have a choice!

The problem is we have bought the lie that we don’t have a choice and there is no healing from emotional abuse.