asthma

Satan will no longer take me hostage

 

 

I suffer from Asthma which is induced by food allergies. Over the past few years, I went from “yes you have food allergies, but you should be able to add things back into your diet; to I am sorry, now you can’t have… and the list gets added to.

To date I have to stay away from:

  • Gluten
  • Dairy
  • Eggs
  • Corn
  • Soy
  • Safflower/ Sunflower
  • Refined sugars
  • Peanuts

 

I have had doctors tell me:

Your body needs to rest

You need to heal

You are too stressed out

You have adrenal fatigue.

You need to take care of you.

 

So for the past few months, I have tried to lay low and to care for myself, especially when I was told, “you need to get rid of the stress or the stress will get rid of you.”

I was also told during this time that my food allergies may be the result of stress.

In reality though, I did not understand what any of that meant. No one was banging down my door to tell me what to do in a way that I understood it, so I muddled through the best I could.

It became apparent that I needed to figure out something because my asthma attacks were getting more and more frequent. So we made arrangements to change the way we did ministry; allowing me to REST.

But problems can become apparent when you allow your body to REST.  You may find out there are more layers of UNREST below and it rises to the surface.

This happened on October 7th.  I was teaching in my hometown in Michigan.  I did not think anything of it, but I guess my body did.  By the time the training was over, my neck was hurting.  It got so bad that I couldn’t sleep well, I had to hold my head to turn it while I was laying down and I had to hold the back of my neck just to swallow without pain.

By Wednesday I was in so much pain that I finally went to the Urgent Care Clinic.  I needed relief.  I still had one more training before I would be able to get home.   The Doctor said there was nothing wrong with me medically, but my neck was in knots, so she gave me a steroid shot, a prescription for a major steroid, a muscle relaxer and sent me on my way.

I was grateful for modern medicine but I also knew that I needed my chiropractor back home.

The rest of the trip went OK thanks to the steroids, but as soon as I was done with them and they were out of my system, it was back to the same level of pain.

I got in to see my chiropractor that week, he adjusted my neck and it started to feel a little better.

On October 24th, it was flared up and I was living on the muscle relaxers and pain relievers, so back to the chiropractor I went. As the doctor started checking me, he adjusted my back and did a few things through reflexology, but he never adjusted my neck.  He sat me up, looked at me and said “Meredith, there is nothing wrong with your neck. It is all stress related.  It is what I call a psychosomatic response. It’s all in your head.”

What? No! There has to be a medical reason.  Food allergy.  Something.  Not a psychosomatic response.  I was working so hard for the past few months to reduce my stress, because this is the same doctor who told me that if I did not reduce my stress, it would be reduced for me when my body shut down.

As I was on my way home, I texted my mom, “The verdict is in… its stress”.   When I was in Michigan earlier that month she told me it sounded like stress, and I answered, I have no stress.

The rest of the evening Rob and I started talking through things.  My childhood. Our marriage.

As we were talking, I wouldn’t have to say yes or no that did or did not bother me, my body did it for me. These talks turned into me having an ugly cry face, but I went to bed that night for the first time in 17 days and slept pain free.

You see I am really good at helping others figure out their life. Over the past 15 years, I have been working on myself, but only in a form of teaching and using my story to free others.  In September I was given a self-study that was geared toward healing my body.

On November 16th, a blog came out about what self care really means. Click here to read it

In this blog there were a couple of things that stood out. The main thing was:

 “how much (anxiety) comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.”

In our program we teach on this very thing, but we don’t put this way.  For whatever reason, this statement hit me like a lead balloon.  I got out my journal and started thinking through her statement with The 180 Programs diagrams and my past.  Listening to the lies of satan through the voice of my step dad.  I believed what he said about me then and unfortunately I was allowing his words to shape my current thinking.

As I read and re-read the blog, I realized I was allowing the antics of satan to tell me that I was not good enough and that I was not being healed because I did not have enough faith.  I was also allowing my “lens of life” to be one that unfortunately still had the blurred lines of lies that I was trained to believe.

The day after I read this, I was able to journal my thoughts and feelings, God brought a woman into my life and she led me in a one-on-one prayer of self-reflection.  During this prayer time I was directed to events that were troublesome. I was then directed to just talk it out.  When I was finished talking, she would ask Jesus to tell me where He was in all of this.  What were the lies. Where was the truth?  As I sat in the room with a total stranger, I wept until I could cry no more, but I felt free.

For quite a while I have been praying for healing.  I was asking for healing from my food allergies… but what I realized was God healed me from something greater.

When I woke up this morning, I realized I was happy.  I have been asking God to make me happy in my journal for a long time.  I had not realized how many lies I was still allowing to engulf my daily life. I was still allowing satan to take me hostage in my own thought life.  It was subtle, but I realized how I framed my questions, how I framed statements, how I allowed the voices from my past to become the lens I walked my daily life through, and they were keeping me in bondage of fear.

Today I choose to walk with a renewed mind.  I will work to see myself through lenses of a loving Jesus.  He may choose to allow something bad to happen again, in fact I’m sure I will face difficulties, but I will not let those events be the lens that I filter my tomorrow through.

I have a choice and so do you.

Asthma, do I have any less Faith?

For the past couple of years I have struggled with asthmatic symptoms.

At times it has gotten so bad that I would sit in a chair all night sipping hot tea or black coffee just to keep my airways open until I could reach an urgent care facility in the morning. You see my flair ups never happen during regular business hours. 


Recently,  I was told it was a stronghold on me and I needed to find out what it was in my past that was creating the asthma. 

As much as I agree with strongholds and how much havoc they can create in our human bodies; I also know that sometimes God allows us to keep our “thorn”, and we must learn what it means to rely on Gods strength. Paul is a great example in 2 Corinthians 12 he says this:

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong….

So what if God does not supernaturally heal me?

Do I have any less faith?

Do I quit praying?

Do I quit seeking?

As I was doing a study that was to help guide me through breaking free from whatever it is that is creating my allergies and the asthma, I became very disheartened by the fact they pulled scriptures out of context to say the least.

But just like God does, He wanted me to see something else;  as I was doing this study, it referenced  Mark 11:23 it says:

“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered.  “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.

Sounds amazing right? I was thinking I am going to start reciting this day and night back to the Lord… It’s a promise and I am going to stand on it. But just as God does, He said continue reading.

Mark 11:24-25 says:

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.  And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

You see we want the promise without the work.  For me I was mentally preparing my list.. And I was like “yep, I am good”…until I was preparing to write a blog for another website.

As I was writing, I realized I was still holding grudges about a lost childhood, how I was hurt by the church and even bitterness I didn’t know I had. I was allowing satan, even 2, 3, 4, and 5 decades later to still pull the chains.

To me it wasn’t a in your face blatant “hold against you”… It was more about holding onto nuggets of my past so that I could use my story to reach more people. That doesn’t sound so bad.. Right?

Let me explain.  We are hearing more and more “we all have a story to tell”, but when we re-create the story to be more focused on the negative it created versus the positive that came from it, we allow satan to have power over our thoughts which turn into words.  By allowing Satan to have power over our thoughts, we are holding onto the past and not allowing ourselves the freedom to say to that mountain “Go through yourself into the sea, and it will be done”.

So I have a choice today as I tell my story, do I give satan the privilege of allowing the negative words to be heard?

If I do, this could create a victim mindset support group where no one heals, but continually lives the past in order to “hold against” the people and ultimately the Lord.