Lord I am sorry for what I have made it

Almost twenty years ago my husband found these verses in Romans. We quickly adopted them as our life verses. 

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

We decided in 2002 that we were no longer going to go with the flow of society but go against the grain.  We were going to live this out every day. We would renew our mind and be transformed. We wanted to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice. We were ready to go and do what the Lord asked us to do. 

Fast forward to 2020. I have always known there was a “therefore” to start Romans 12. I had also been told that you always need to stop and find out what the “therefore”is there for. 

Ok I get it better late than never right? 

I decided to just go back one chapter to 11, and start reading. Wow! I think I had skipped that chapter in all my readings. Paul is giving his partial resume, then he is talking about how we have been grafted into the family of God. I was really loving it until I turned the page in my Bible and read verse 35. 

“Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?

In following the rabbit trail of reference verses it took me to Job chapter 41 verse 11. God is talking: 

Who has a claim against Me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to Me.

Why did those verses bring me to my knees? Because I need to repent. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed this prayer; 

“Lord thank you for allowing me to be your hands and feet.” 

Then in the next breath would come this… 

“Lord when will it be my turn to see a blessing? I have done all this for You. When, Lord? I am tired.”

When God showed us the verses in Romans it was supposed to be a motto to live by. It ended up being the foundation to a ministry that was extremely taxing, not just monetarily, but also physically and mentally. 

I am forever grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to be in full time ministry for so long. I am not proud of the jealousy, competition, and the business it became. Instead of a time to walk in a relationship similar to the outline found in Titus 2, it became about numbers of lives changed on a spreadsheet in order to keep the funders happy. 

And in turn my prayer was no longer, “God I offer my body as a living sacrifice,” but “Lord, look what I am giving up. So what’s in it for me?”

My prayer for 2021 is going to be, Lord, I offer myself. Grant me knowledge and wisdom that can only come from you. Lord embolden me to tell others about Your greatness, not because of what You may or may not do, but because of Who You are.” 

Our job as Christ followers is to glorify God for no other reason than because He Is the Great I AM. I will end with Psalms 145:1-3 (NIV)


I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.

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