Forgiveness is a funny thing.
Did you know that anger’s root cause is from Unforgiveness. I know this because I teach on it every day through The 180 Program.
A few years ago, and yes I just said a few years ago, I was in a meeting with a local pastor and a youth pastor. It was soon after my attack and I was dealing with PTSD and anxiety but at that time did not know how to differentiate the actual attack PTSD/ anxiety and the anxiety I started feeling in this meeting as I was being “challenged”.
I walked out of that meeting and vowed never to return. I would be cordial but I would not go out of my way to enter that building again as long as my life depended on it.
Today, in a state far from home at a conference far from home, that Pastor was teaching a workshop.
My body clenched and I was getting physically sick, but I heard God say…”you are to go to that workshop.”
Being obedient, I started walking in the direction of the classroom, without the security of my amazing husband, as he felt called to go to a different workshop.
I was one of the first to arrive and took a seat. Not to close and not too far back.
As the Pastor got up to speak, I felt my anxiety start to rise. I quietly prayed for God to intercede and allow me to listen and learn from this man of God.
As satan always does, “Did God really say that?”
You see God was telling me as I was praying, that I needed to approach this man and tell him the offense and ask for forgiveness for holding a grudge.
As the meeting was ending, I was calm in my spirit and I knew I needed to take my chance and talk with him. My prayer at this time was to keep my emotions at bay, and not let the crying start.
Well God did not answer that prayer, as I started to talk so did the tears. It was very simple: You know you hurt me that day. But more importantly I need to ask you to forgive me for harboring all these ill feelings.
He gave me a hug and asked for forgiveness also.
I walked out of that room feeling 100 lbs lighter than I have in years, but a something bigger was satan no longer had that control in my life.
Will we become buddy/buddy? Only the Lord knows. But satan no longer has that hold on my life where I don’t feel I can NEVER walk into that church again.